21 January 2016

My 3 lessons of gratitude today:

• I am grateful to have been able to break through my mother's psychological resistance. Perseverance is truly the way through. I have tried so many ways of getting past that initial resistance and finally found a way to appeal to her. Since she was quite emotional, I introduced to her something that would come more naturally than breath meditation - metta. She seems to like it a lot and even told me that she would practise it everyday so that when I came back she would already have a certain degree of mastery. That surprised me a little and I'm so grateful to have finally gotten through to her. Perhaps it was my dedication... I've already preached the Dharma to her for over the past four or three weeks... Nearly a month! I'm so glad that she's taking it so seriously now. I hope that if she is able to remain present in metta, she would be able to affect the others in my family and inspire them to be compassionate individuals as well, particularly my brother who is going through puberty and having a bit of an emotional imbalance.
• I am grateful to have awesome friends who will be joining me in med this year. Although they're all in different rotations as I, I'll take it as an opportunity to get to know more people, so I'm grateful for this slight discomfort. It might take quite a bit of socializing with people of different nationalities but I think it's a great way for me to train my social batteries hahaha. The timetables are already out and I think I can do this. I know I can. I've always made it out of storms in one piece and I will do it this time without fail too. I think it's a good thing that I'm separated from the other Singaporeans too, because I'll be forced to start off in an unfamiliar environment. 
• I'm grateful to see how all the little things that I have done in the past have affected so many people around me. I had a very small private forum post which then spread far and affected over 50 people. A small book I wrote got me grateful emails that continued to light up my day each time I read them. All these small actions, they might amount to nothing much... But they delight me every time I realize how much I've helped others. That is why I will continue to extend my help in every way possible - whether as a doctor or as a human being. I am so grateful to how all of these people have come into my life in small ways and impacted me so much. 
• Lastly, my death contemplation. I lived every moment today with presence. I was mindful of my state and calibrated myself to radiating love and I found that it made a huge difference in my presence towards others, almost as if they could feel it. I feel like I've done my best in every moment. But while I wish that I do not regret anything if I were to die, I still harbor a small attachment to my responsibilities towards beings without contact of the dharma.